Biodynamic Massage - My Experience with Neck Tension
A little bit about my own experience here and how Biodynamic Massage has helped relieve the neck tension I experienced. I write not to imply that other people will have neck tenison for the same reasons - of course, they absolutely won’t. But rather to shed a little light and inight into the process of Biodynamic Massage, my journey with it and how it helped.
After the birth of Lucca myself and my partner went through a very difficult period. Certainly something that I know many will relate to after the birth of a child in what can be a very challenging time. My partner had been in the UK for about 9 months before we got pregnant with Lucca - and in the middle of the pandemic. On top of this he was learning to speak English, living outside of Argentina for the first time, under the pressure of a visa and far away from friends and family. Then, on very little sleep and in the rawness and vulnerability that is new parenthood we quite understandably struggled. We had many arguments, many days nights in total and utter despair. I think I had post partum anxiety and when I needed him most, I felt that he wasn’t there. I remember saying to him at the time that we were two people having a very hard time but unable to support the other.
He also works 3 or 4 nights a week so it meant that I spent many sleepless nights on my own. As the main breadwinner and with little support around me I found myself not looking after myself in the way that I knew I needed - I didn’t eat to nourish myself, I didn’t move my body enough and I didn’t prioritise me or my mental health. I didn’t want to be a burden to other people and also wanted to feel like I could do it all on my own - asking for help and accepting it wasn’t a strength. I often felt very lonely.
Eventually, in a world that seemed totally out of control - both within my tiny sphere and on a global level I found a coping mechanism to take back some control, to reclaim myself and my body. I began to move again, to eat better. I practicsed yoga which did me so much good and I also joined CrossFit which I absolutely adore for the variety of movement - I got to play, do handstands, do gymnastics, lift heavy weights which I wasn’t accostomed to, run, jump, climb ropes, have a laugh and be in a supportive community. It really gave me so much confidence in my ability again and boosted my mood infinitely.
One of my weaknesses is however that I can be very resilient, keep pushing on, to push my body in different ways, to be a ‘good girl’ and do more - a feeling of never being enough or not good enough. Combined with looking after a toddler and often cosleeping and broken nights I began to feel the tension in my back from doing too much work in the gym. Predominantely in my trapezius but also in my Rhomboids and QL - the big long ropey muscles that lie along the spine.
I’d been strengthening my body I’m sure not only because it felt good but because I had felt like I needed to be strong to be a good mum for Lucca and to support our family. To be strong enough to shoulder the burden on my own if I had to. But I took it too far and began to feel the effects of trying to do everything on my own through real tension in my neck and a seizing up feeling in my back. This wasn’t all due to my physical activity but also through habitual repeated patterns of tensing up when I felt stressed.
When I started learning how to practice Biodynamic Massage it all began to make sense and my experience as a client myself, on the table, allowed me to really tune into my experience and become aware of what I was doing in a different way.
One day, I decided to be the volunteer and to receive a massage by the tutor, in front of the group. I felt nervous. I wouwas going to have my overly tight, tense back exposed to the group and to the tutor. Who would soon realise I wasn’t the relaxed, in control, flowy, harmonised yoga teacher I professed to be! Surely the other students would all judge me for what I looked like - for the tension in my body. They’d know that I wasn’t perfect! I was vulnerable, lying on my tummy, with my back for all to see - exposed and raw. They’d soon find out there was something wrong with me! That I wasn’t ok! That I too had coping mechanisms that didn’t always work - that I also didn’t always listen to my body and overrode it’s signs and signals!
It feels quite distant and laughable now this narrative. After time, things often do don’t they. And of course, after a few minutes I realised no one remotely cared what my back look like. Or where I carried tension or what was going on for me. It was very normal. I was normal. Warts and all. And being seen like that, being witnessed in all of my ‘faults’, is something I’ve always found to be transformative in group work.
I remember vividly feeling, as Sue, the tutor, worked on my trapezius - ‘Gosh, I need to ask for help more. And accept it when it’s there. I don’t have to do this on my own’.
What was so interesting about this that through the studying of the muscles and the Emotional Anatomy of the muscles I learnt that the traps are associated with exacly this - our ability to accept help or ask for it. It made no wonder that they were tense - I was hunching them under the burden of doing everything on my own.
The tension didn’t ease much that session but it began to over the next few weeks. In the session itself my peristalsis had been absolutely silent. I found this to be so interesting. I couldn’t let go. I couldn’t relax or process or go with the flow and it showed up in the sounds that the stethoscope made. I was exposed again! I couldn’t pretend I was relaxed - my body told everyone differently!
How great not to have to pretend. But to accept my little tense body’s fate :)
Over the weeks and months the peristalsis became louder and more bubbly and I felt more playful and less tense. The tension in my back began to ease. I don’t even know how much I toned it down in my movement modalities but I do know that I haven’t experienced tension like it since. And all the yoga, introspection and therapy didn’t help - it was through an attuned touch, and Biodynamic Massage that I was put in touch with myself in a different way. It was truly like my body was speaking to me and I was able to make the changes I needed to in my spirititual, emotional, physical and emotional life to begin to feel better.
Our bodies can tell us so many wondrous things about ourselves. It’s good to hold it all lightly and be curious - and playful about what comes up and what we may choose to lean in to. It’s also so important to be gentle and respectful with the body. These form of tensions are like an armouring - a way our body tries to cope with what’s going on in our surroundings. Some of this armouring may have been around for many many years - perhaps even from when we were babies. It’s good to respect this armouring, to go slowly, and tenderly - with no expectations. That’s why I don’t pummle away at the muscle or work too vigorously or too quickly - it may actually cause more tension or allow too much to be released too quickly which can be really overwhelming.
If you’d like to read more on body armouring you could read Character Analysis, Reich Wilhelm, 1975, 5th enlarged edition, New York, Farrar Publishing. But I find Hakomi and the work of Ron Kurtz to be a little more gentle and kind in his descriptions. https://hakomi.com/
Also interesting is https://www.besselvanderkolk.com/resources/the-body-keeps-the-score
If you’d like to read more on the Emotional Anatomy of the body I recommend the mammoth book Body Encyclopedia by Lisbeth Marcher and Sonja Fich.
https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/203558/body-encyclopedia-by-lisbeth-marcher-and-sonja-fich/
Based on Bodynamic Analysis, a body-oriented psychology developed in Denmark by the authors and their colleagues, Body Encyclopedia describes the developmental sequence in which psychological and emotional elements are linked to specific muscles. The book shows how certain responses to events in our lives end up bound and connected with our movement patterns. Through extensive research, Marcher, Fich, and several others have mapped out the psychological functions of 154 muscles and related tissues.
Featuring more than 200 detailed illustrations, Body Encyclopedia opens with an introduction to the history and development of Bodynamic Analysis. The core of the book presents a description of each muscle, including movement positions, age level when the muscle is activated, and a summary of the psychological themes associated with each muscle. Basic instructions are provided for bodymapping, a hands-on procedure that involves palpating and registering muscle response. Vivid case studies demonstrate how to apply the information in real-life situations. Using the book as a guide, readers can accurately identify and investigate the underlying psychological issues associated with muscle pain, discomfort, or weakness in specific areas of the body.