Biodynamic Massage - My Experience with Neck Tension
A little bit about my own experience here and how Biodynamic Massage has helped relieve the neck tension I experienced. I write not to imply that other people will have neck tenison for the same reasons - of course, they absolutely won’t. But rather to shed a little light and inight into the process of Biodynamic Massage, my journey with it and how it helped. I have had many other experiences with Biodynamic Massage that have been quite transformational but this one was one of the first.
After the birth of Lucca myself and my partner went through a very difficult period. Certainly something that I know many will relate to after the birth of a child in what can be a very challenging time. I think I had post partum anxiety, and I think perhaps he did too, and when I needed him most, I felt that he wasn’t there. I remember saying to him at the time that we were two people having a very hard time but unable to support the other.
I found myself not looking after myself in the way that I knew I needed. I didn’t want to be a burden to other people and also felt like I had to or could do it all on my own - asking for help and accepting it wasn’t a strength. There also wasn’t a great deal of help available - the village is hard to find, isn’t it? I often felt very lonely.
Eventually, in a world that seemed totally out of control - both within my tiny sphere and on a global level I found a way to remember and in many ways find a semblance of order and control. I began to move again, to eat better. I found more rhythm with my yoga pracice again; I also joined a gym which I absolutely adored for the variety of movement - I got to play, do handstands, do gymnastics, lift weights which I wasn’t accostomed to, run, jump, climb ropes, have a laugh and be in a supportive community. It really gave me so much confidence in my ability again and boosted my mood infinitely.
One of my weaknesses is however that I can be very resilient, keep pushing on, to push my body in different ways, to be a ‘good girl’ and do more - a feeling of never being enough or not good enough. Combined with looking after a toddler and often cosleeping and broken nights I began to feel the tension in my back. Predominantely in my trapezius but also in my Rhomboids and QL - the big long ropey muscles that lie along the spine.
I’d been strengthening my body I’m sure, not only because it felt good, but because I had felt like I needed to be strong to be a good mum for Lucca and to support our family. To be strong enough to shoulder the burden on my own if I had to. But I took it too far and began to feel the effects of trying to do everything, through real tension in my neck and a seizing up feeling in my back. I have had tight traps for as long as I can remember - I’ve been carrying a great deal of tension in this area for the majority of my life and now, at an acute moment, it was beginnig to feel quite unbearable.
When I started learning how to practice Biodynamic Massage it all began to make sense and my experience as a client myself, on the table, allowed me to really tune into my experience and become aware of what I was doing in a different way.
One day, I decided to be the volunteer and to receive a massage by the tutor, in front of the group. I remember vividly feeling, as Sue, the tutor, worked on my trapezius - ‘Gosh, I need to ask for help more. And accept it when it’s there. I don’t have to do this on my own’. She is one of the most attuned and attentive therapists I’ve ever worked with - she’s incredibly present. I am absolutely sure that her presence and the inherently quiet, slow and mindful nature of biodynamic massage helped enormously.
What was so interesting about this that through the studying of the muscles and the Emotional Anatomy of the muscles I learnt that the traps are associated with exacly this - our ability to accept help or ask for it. It made no wonder that they were tense - I was hunching them under the burden of doing everything on my own and of not being supported or seen in the way that I needed. I think throughout my whole childhood - doing things on your own - and looking to yourself first if things don’t go to ‘plan’ has been lauded and celebrated and I don’t think I was held, tenderly, in all of my flaws.
The tension didn’t go away entirely in that session but it began to subside completely in the next few months. I was able to find a better balance in my life and I do know that I haven’t experienced tension like it since. Yoga and therapy of course have always been powerful tools but it was through an attuned touch, and Biodynamic Massage that I was put in touch with myself in a different way. It was truly like my body was speaking to me and I was able to make the changes I needed to in my spirititual, emotional, physical and emotional life to begin to feel better.
Our bodies can tell us so many wondrous things about ourselves. It’s good to hold it all lightly and be curious - and playful about what comes up and what we may choose to lean in to. It’s also so important to be gentle and respectful with the body. These form of tensions are like an armouring - a way our body tries to cope with what’s going on in our surroundings. Some of this armouring may have been around for many many years - perhaps even from when we were babies. It’s good to respect this armouring, to go slowly, and tenderly - with no expectations. That’s why I don’t pummle away at the muscle or work too vigorously or too quickly - it may actually cause more tension or allow too much to be released too quickly which can be really overwhelming.
If you’d like to get in touch with me about Biodynamic Massage and how you feel it may be for you then please do drop me an email info@alexnewtonyoga.com.